That little voice….

27 01 2013

Today during my walk, I thought about my little voice, the one that says I can’t do what I need to do. 

It just so happens that I was also listening to Apocalyptica’s “I don’t care”. (The video I tried to post yesterday.)

So I concentrated on the words.

I try to make it through my life, in my way, there’s you…..

I’m getting buried in this place, I’ve got no room you’re in my face,

Don’t say anything, just go away….

I’m changing everything ’cause you won’t be there for me.

So, to counter that little voice, I listed things that I have done and achieved.

I’ve raised two children (not alone, but who cares) to adulthood and they are intelligent, responsible contributors to society. 

I’ve done two marathons and four half marathons and one 10K and a whole bunch of 5K’s.

I’ve survived the deaths of both my parents and both my parent in laws. 

I’ve survived my husband’s Guillain Barre hospital stay and consequent recovery and near bankruptcy. And all the emotional fallout.

I’ve survived rough patches in my marriage and have a stronger, happier marriage.  I’m so blessed.

I’ve lost beloved animals, and moves, and buying a house.  And remodeling.

I’ve survived being an RT for 25 years, and survived and thrived in a new job. 

I work hard and do a good job, even if it doesn’t seem like it some days.

I’ve survived an FDA audit and have given two talks about it, both of them well received.

I have survived all kinds of training. 

I’ve been peed on, puked on, coughed on, and bled on. 

I’ve survived gaining and losing my religion.

I’ve survived camping in a tent.

I’ve survived one of my children liking country music.

I will continue to survive, and thrive, and no little voice is going to tell me any different. 

And if I decide to lose weight, no little voice is going to prevent me from doing just that.

And for the record:  27 days in a row exercising, two days in a row keeping track of my food intake.


Although I’ve done better this month….

26 01 2013

I still have a little voice in my head that tells me I can’t do it.  I can’t lose weight, I can’t get fit, I can’t achieve my deepest desires.  Tonight, I was astonished to STILL hear that little voice.  What the fuck?

So here’s a video for that little voice:


New Year’s Resolutions

26 01 2013

Yes, I know it’s January 26.  But this year I had a fear that if I posted my resolution, I’d never get it done.  Possibly because that’s EXACTLY what I’ve done in the last several years.

So….drum roll please……my ONE resolution for 2013 is this:
I resolve to take care of myself. Or take care of me.

Yeah, I’m a caregiver, I care for a lot of people (family, friends, patients), but me, myself, and I have always been on the bottom of the “care for” list.

This will change in 2013.  I have already started.

For one thing, the 100 days challenge (see previous post).  As of TODAY, I have exercised 26 straight days for at least 30 minutes.  I’ve put in 933 fitness minutes.  I’ve exercised in 16 degree weather (yes, outdoors, the New Year’s fun run on 1/1/) and at 11 pm at night (do not recommend).  I’ve done walks outside and on the treadmill, hours on the elliptical, and videos at home that completely kick my butt (yoga and belly dancing).

Despite all that, I do not feel all that fit.  So I’m stepping it up effective Feb. 2.  I just signed up for the Pounds Plunge at the YMCA.  It’s four weeks of team training and some personal training, group workouts, and challenges.  Sounds good to me.

I signed up for a DietBet game (you bet that you can lose 4% of your body weight in 28 days) but I’m stuck at the halfway mark.  I may not lose the rest of the weight by Feb. 3.  I’ll still give it the ol’ Dixie try, because I don’t quit.

So, new challenge starting today:  Keep track of all the food I eat.  I already do a very good job of drinking water, and I do a so-so job of eating enough fruits and vegetables.  But I suck at keeping track of my food, and that changes today.  I was going to start this tomorrow, but if I start today I can combine rewards for exercise and keeping track of food.

IF I continue to struggle with weight loss, I will consider joining Weight Watchers.  I may just need that little extra kick of accountability.  I am going to give myself 10 days on the food tracking before I decide.

We are going to buy some new furniture for the house.  I have plans to declutter and deep clean most of the house so we end up with a peaceful, welcoming home.  I want more houseplants (and indoor fruit trees).

I really want to overhaul our back yard, get rid of the hot tub since we don’t use it at all, add potted plants for the deck, and a swing with an awning.  More bird feeders, bird boxes on the shed, and lots of garden to work in.  More lavender and a new rosemary bush (my old one expired some years ago).

As for the birds, I have a couple of bird feeders and I have grown to love watching the little finches and sparrows eat.  My sister is a birder and very knowledgeable about them.  I am grateful to have her as a resource.  I haven’t wanted to make a big deal of my interest, because I didn’t want to reveal my ignorance, but I think I’ve asked enough questions that she’s aware I am looking and asking.

Last year I caught a hummingbird feeding on my clematis, so this year I am adding a hummingbird feeder to my yard.  Have to figure out where to put it where the cats can’t reach (not that they could actually catch a hummingbird, but still).  The hummingbird feeder is on my reward list.

As to the rewards, I reward myself for the following exercise days:  5, 10, 20, 25, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 75, 80, 90, and 100.  I will do the same timing of rewards for keeping track of food.  My rewards are generally small things, not very expensive.  Today I bought some fancy bird seed for my feeders and spent under 10 bucks.  I think my priciest reward so far has been new earphones (at $12).  I’ll keep that up.

Off to make broccoli soup for dinner. Onward!

100 days challenge

24 01 2013

To start off 2013, I decided to take a 100 days challenge. 30 minutes a day of exercise for 100 days.

Here’s my tracking:

Jan 1:   58 minutes, 5K walk              What stands out:  16 degrees

Jan 2:  elliptical (1.96 miles)   Went later than usual

Jan. 3:  stationary bike.  Tired and legs are sore.

Jan 4:  10 minutes walking, 20 minutes elliptical.  Late at night workout.

Jan 5:  Treadmill at the Y

Jan 6:  GORGEOUS sunny day and not as cold (20 degrees!)  Walked 30 minutes then put the dog on his leash and walked another 15

Jan 7:  30 minutes on the elliptical, then 15 minutes shoveling snow off the driveway

Jan 8:  1 min rowing, 10 minutes stationary bike, 19 minutes treadmill

Jan 9:  Walk outside

Jan 10:  Yoga,  OW OW OW OW

Jan 11:  Elliptical

Jan 12: Treadmill, 32 minutes

Jan. 13:  Elliptical, 32 minutes

Jan. 14:  Treadmill, 32 minutes

Jan 15:  Bellydancing

Jan 16:  Elliptical, 32 minutes

Jan 17:  Treadmill, 35 minutes

Jan 18:  Elliptical, 35 minutes

Jan 19:  Treadmill, 35 minutes

Jan 20:  Elliptical, 35 minutes.

I am so proud of myself.  So far this month:  733 minutes, 6779 calories.  Booyah!

Jan 21:  30 minutes Yoga.

Jan 22:  35 minutes Treadmill (slowly getting faster…hahahaha)

Jan 23:  35 minutes Elliptical

Jan 24:  35 minutes Treadmill (ave speed 3.5 mph or 17:08 min/mile, definitely getting a little faster.)

Jan. 25:  Belly dancing video, 30 minutes

Jan 26:  Elliptical, 35 minutes.

Jan. 27:  Walk, 35 minutes

Jan. 28:  Elliptical, 35 minutes

Jan. 29:  Walk, 35 minutes

Jan. 30:  Belly dancing DVD, 30 minutes

Jan. 31:  walk, 30 minutes

Feb. 1:  walk, 50 minutes

Feb. 2:  Stationary bike, 15 minutes (team challenge), walk 20 minutes

Feb. 3:  walk, 34 minutes

Feb. 4:  Walk, 20 minutes, TRX circuit 15 minutes

Feb. 5:  Walk, 46 minutes

Feb. 6:  Yoga, 30 minutes

Feb. 7:  Elliptical, 35 minutes

Feb. 8:  Yoga, 30 minutes

Feb. 9:  Walk, 56 minutes (Love Em or Leave Em 5K)

Feb. 10:  Elliptical, 40 minutes

Feb. 11:  Kettle ball training, 30 minutes

Feb. 12: Belly dancing, 30 minutes

Feb. 13:  Walk, 32 minutes

Feb. 14:  Walk, 34 minutes

Feb. 15:  Walk, 32 minutes (at 11 pm at night…trying to keep the streak alive)

Feb. 16:  Zumba, 60 minutes

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