Heavens, my count is off.

21 02 2013

Although I posted last that my next “take care of myself” goal would be 5 fruits and veggies a day, I’ve changed my mind.  I struggle much more with late night snacking.  So my next goal (started yesterday) is to quit eating 2 hours before bedtime. 

So far so good. 

I got off track with my workout counting, and keeping track counting.  I’ve now completed 53 workouts and 27 days of keeping track of my food.

I feel I’m in a rut, exercise wise.  I need to get some shoes for Zumba and that will help, but I also need to:

1. Add strength training (I LOVE TRX, but the Y only seems to have classes at 6 am!  Not.happening.) As soon as I’m done with Pounds Plunge, I will be able to take the 4:30 M/W class at the West Y, but I need to get started on strength training sooner.  Next week would be good.

2.  Add yoga/flexibility training.  So stiff.

3.  Make a calorie goal.  I’ve been aiming for less and achieving it, but now I need to find a goal and stick to it.  It helps that I have a BMI calculator on my phone that also tells me my BMR.  Alas, as I get older, I need fewer calories.

4.  I am considering a tracker thingie called FitBit.  You wear it most of the day and it calculates how many calories you burn and how well you sleep.  I am intrigued by it, but it’s just expensive enough that I feel I need to earn it. 



New Goal

17 02 2013

As of now, I have kept my food diary for 22 days and exercised for 47 days straight.  I am excited to feel changes in my confidence, and feel closer to my ultimate goal of taking care of myself in 2013.  I have lost a couple of pounds, which is awesome.  Much more to lose, but the steps are there.

Since I’ve pretty well established these two things as a habit, it’s time to add in another.  Start date:  Wednesday, Feb. 20.  Goal:  eat 5 servings of fruits and vegetables a day.

This gives me a couple of days to ramp up, which is a good thing.  It also gets all my goals aligned.  Weds will be my 50th workout and my 25th food tracking day.  And so it goes. 


Ash Wednesday 2013

17 02 2013

I just looked at my last Ash Wednesday post.  How things have changed in a year.

In the past year, I re-examined my feeling that I need to believe in God.  And my need to go to church.

The church part was fraught with so much angst.  They actually made it easy to decide on the “I’m not going to go anymore” front. They did this by persecuting nuns who were only trying to be progressive (ie make the church more Christlike), by continuing to hide and deny pedophilia, by denying condoms as disease control and condemning them as birth control, by being more active in trying to keep us unruly women in line rather than focusing on what should be the work of the church:  feeding the hungry, healing the sick, reaching out to work for the poor.

Plus, although the Church gives lip service to the role of women, their actions speak so much louder:  We don’t matter.  We distract men from their “real” work of being holy, so they can’t marry us.  We are dark and mysterious, and goodness knows that mystery has no part in church.  Although a woman supposedly gave birth to their Savior, that’s all we are good for, thank you very much (pats on head).  (And by the way, that woman, although married for years to a human man, never had sex.  Uh huh.)

I posted last year that I had felt disconnected from God for months.  I finally decided to break up, or whatever.  I am no longer sure God exists.  If He does, He is surely doing a piss poor job of looking after His people.  I mean, seriously, letting 20 precious babies die in gunfire right before Christmas?  And yes, I understand free will and all that, but honestly, wouldn’t an all knowing and all powerful God be able to do something about this beforehand?

So, although I know that there is a soul, and that we are probably linked together somehow, I reject the notion of an old guy making marks in a book and ready to judge my every move.  Besides, shouldn’t I strive to live a good life because it’s the right thing to do, rather than looking forward to rewards later on?  Yeah, I think so.

So, now to Jesus.  I actually think there’s plenty of evidence that Jesus did exist, as a real person, and a prophet.  Someone who daringly changed the world.  Someone who showed us that the way to live was to love thy neighbor, to feed the hungry, to bring hope to the imprisoned, to clothe the naked, to show the downtrodden that there’s a way out.  I dispute that he is the son of God, but I understand that in his world, that belief in God was a given.  It’s all right.  Jesus is someone I can look up to, to try to be more like.

So, this year’s Ash Wednesday was a day of reflection.  Again, it’s a day to look at your New Year’s goals and reset if needed. I’m happy to say that my goals are moving forward.  I’m almost half done with my 100 day challenge! And I’ve added one more wellness goal (to keep track of my food every day).  Just about ready to add another.

Rock on, and stay safe.

It’s been a day

5 02 2013

And I have struggled to stay positive.  I don’t really know why.

Had a monitor visit today, which is usually okay.  And it was.  But I have struggled with headaches for the past several days and really need this inversion to go away.

Did some computer work, which is okay, except for the said headache.

Got a call from the Ninja, which was nice.  It’s amazing how much I miss hearing her voice.  It’s amazing how much I miss hearing my son’s voice.  I resolve not to say anything to them, but I miss them both oh! so much.  I know intellectually that this is the way that things are supposed to be, and that their lives are progressing, as is mine.  But there are times that I miss them so much that it hurts.

Dragged myself to the gym, after debating with myself about going to get my reward first.  I owe myself a reward for keeping track of my food for 10 days.  I decided, though, that I was too tired to go shopping and hit the gym, and I chose the gym.

35 minutes on the treadmill, sweated mightily, didn’t really get rid of the headache.  Plus my glutes hurt mightily from yesterday’s workout of resistance training.

For some reason, on the way home I started to cry.  I don’t know what is going on, but it felt like the weight of the day crashed on me all at once.

Feeling very sorry for myself, I pulled up to an empty, dark house.  No matter how many times I ask my husband to leave a light on when he goes to his class, it doesn’t happen.

Then I really wanted my mom, someone whom I can talk to, to pour out all of my pitiful musings for the day, to complain about how life is mistreating me.  Someone who wants what is best for me, someone who exists to care for me.  I take care of so many people….sometimes I just want someone whose complete focus is giving that back to me.

Ah, well.  I will survive.

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