It’s been a day

5 02 2013

And I have struggled to stay positive.  I don’t really know why.

Had a monitor visit today, which is usually okay.  And it was.  But I have struggled with headaches for the past several days and really need this inversion to go away.

Did some computer work, which is okay, except for the said headache.

Got a call from the Ninja, which was nice.  It’s amazing how much I miss hearing her voice.  It’s amazing how much I miss hearing my son’s voice.  I resolve not to say anything to them, but I miss them both oh! so much.  I know intellectually that this is the way that things are supposed to be, and that their lives are progressing, as is mine.  But there are times that I miss them so much that it hurts.

Dragged myself to the gym, after debating with myself about going to get my reward first.  I owe myself a reward for keeping track of my food for 10 days.  I decided, though, that I was too tired to go shopping and hit the gym, and I chose the gym.

35 minutes on the treadmill, sweated mightily, didn’t really get rid of the headache.  Plus my glutes hurt mightily from yesterday’s workout of resistance training.

For some reason, on the way home I started to cry.  I don’t know what is going on, but it felt like the weight of the day crashed on me all at once.

Feeling very sorry for myself, I pulled up to an empty, dark house.  No matter how many times I ask my husband to leave a light on when he goes to his class, it doesn’t happen.

Then I really wanted my mom, someone whom I can talk to, to pour out all of my pitiful musings for the day, to complain about how life is mistreating me.  Someone who wants what is best for me, someone who exists to care for me.  I take care of so many people….sometimes I just want someone whose complete focus is giving that back to me.

Ah, well.  I will survive.

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